an early gift to you. my friends.

first things first. by now, you should all know that i am an aunt to a precious baby girl named mia. whom i still haven't gotten to hold, but i will make up for all that time in a week and a half. so yay for jeff and mary's new little family. this kid was rather hesitant to enter this world, perhaps because she had caught wind of the fact that she'd be swaddled in a uniform and placed in a room full of her daddy's 2580-item cd collection. hard to say exactly why mary was in labor for a day and a half, but the point of the story is that mia's HERE!

it is a gorgeous saturday morning, i was awake at a completely unreasonable hour because the SUN woke me up, and all i have ahead of me today is a list of 4 or 5 things that i'm totally looking forward to. and beyond that, i'm one exam, one class and one half internship day away from being responsibility-free until 1/12/09. i love grad school. however, lest you think this is all unfair what with me not having to work, let me remind you of the thousands of dollars in debt with which i will merge these two years. that's called crossing that bridge when i come to it. if nothing else, do know what being in grad school has taught me? to wait actively. i'm i this holding period, with a new horizon in front of me, where i could truly do anything or go anywhere (though i really WANT to stay in indianapolis) and there are insane amounts of things--big things-- that i want to do now while i have the time, but i don't have the money. my life doesn't look overly exciting, and it is about as far as you can get from being glamorous, but i have done so much in the past few years that i never would have done if i had had my whole life figured out or if i had been "settled" at the ripe old age of 25. and most of these things are miniscule when compared to real world-changers. they're more about taking advantage of local things, spending some time in solitude, investing in those who are nearby and more often than not, new friends.

i have this overwhelming sense that 2010 is going to be a big year. and to be honest, it's not an overly optimistic feeling. most likely there will be hard times. as in, more hard times than good. NOW. i could be thinking in these terms because i know how hard it is to live in the space of almost and not yet...to be done with school yet jobless, broke yet hell-bent on seeing lots of the country and some of the world. kind of spontaneous and mostly responsible. so i look down my little 2010 viewfinder, and if all things go as they often do, it will be a tough year. i'm not the world's best adjuster to change, especially when there are things like debt hanging over my head (although, due to the tremendous graciousness of my parents, i've never owed anyone except them one single dime)...but my excitement (and fears) about this year go farther than just anticipation about my post-grad school plans. the reason is, that if i have learned one thing about God in 2009, it is just how big He is. i know. i should have grasped this a little earlier. i was talking to someone here who has become a friend, and whose depth of wisdom really amazes me, especially since she's not much older than me. anyway, i was telling her about this newfound inkling of God's greatness, and i ended a long schpiel with the statement

"yeah, so i don't know what all this means."

and she said "i wonder if God's giving you a sense of how big he is because He knows that pretty soon down the path, you're going to need it."

and i said, "Hm."

and i kind of think she's right. i won't even venture a guess as to WHAT i'll need it for, and i'm not trying to be one of those crazies who thinks she's a fortune teller. or who thinks her CATS are fortune tellers. but i'm just being honest (vague too, oh yes!) but my gut prediction about 2010 is that it will be big. trying. and very full.

and on THAT note, i have already been working on my resolutions for 2010. and let me tell you, they're good. i almost can't wait to tell you about them, but i have to have a long discussion with my mom about them first. she gets first peek because she's my resolutions accountability partner. we actually make resolutions every time we see each other and then go out for coffee the next time, and discuss our progress or lack thereof. rinse and repeat.

for 2010 i have none of the stuff you'd expect like "lose 10 lbs." not to say that it doesn't need to be done, but let's face it, that's been the primo resolution for about the past 8 years, and, well, you've seen me. and i ran a MARATHON this year for goodness' sake. if that doesn't do it, i don't know what will. (perhaps quitting my poptarts habit, but that won't happen. if this is what i'm gonna look like because i eat 2 brownsugar and cinnamon poptarts each day, then shoot. it's worth it.)

this year i'm making resolutions that, in order to accomplish i will either be stretching myself (emotionally or mentally), investing in others, or doing something for the very first time. plus, these are things that i will look forward to doing and they'll have lasting effects. aaaah, i like new years resolutions. (i would say "love" but i think it's overused.) so yes, i like them. like like like.

one more thing, before i go off to fun activity of thy day #1: did i tell you my other new favorite word? last time, it was monkey, because the word monkey is as fun as the actually animal monkey. my other new favorite word is pumpkin. it fills up you mouth when you say it. say it with me now: pumpkin.
see what i mean? pumpkin pumpkin pumpkin.


and in case i've not shared it with you, and maybe i have... the prayer below has been one of the most meaningful pieces i've read and meditated on all year. hope you like it too :)



Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory. Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley.