On gifts and the giver

I have this friend, Holly. Here she is.


(Pardon my bloated face. That's the look I typically go for during the holidays. Loverly)


Anyway, Holly is a fellow blogger...quite more consistent though. I actually mentioned her in my last post....She and I have known each other since we were three years old, and were best buds growing up on Crestview. We truly lived our childhoods together. We would walk the 1/10 of a mile between our houses holding hands, hoping that the cars driving by would think us conjoined twins. Had it been possible, we would have willingly attached ourselves to one anothers' hip. We played Barbies, started clubs (the most notable one, we named the "Armed Pits," for which, together with our brothers, we dug a hole under their big pine tree in the side yard. I think it was some kind of trap. Don't ask...). We had a book of secrets (probably more than one) and had some inside joke where the phrase "pickle legs" would send us into hysterical giggle fits. I could quite literally, spend a day telling you of the many memories of my elementary school days that involved Holly.

Over the years, our friendship has changed, but, and this is really cool...our moms are friends, and the four of us have always gotten together at least once over the holidays to celebrate Christmas. This is a loooongstanding tradition, and it's pretty awesome to look forward to each each. Anyway, this year is going to be especially awesome since it's going to involve pajamas, pizza, and playing a game of Taboo that we has been on pause since last December. Hol and I are in the lead. We are also going to divulge our deepest darkest secrets. Kidding, kidding. But, we did commit to intentional reflection, and the sharing of meaningful thoughts from 2011. So I need to kick it into high gear and start some serious reflection on 2011. It's been a good year, a big year, and all in all..yeah...one for growth.

Christmas season is upon us. How do I know? Because there was a line outside of Target this morning at 7:30, a half hour before it opened. Don't even get me started. Btw, this is my public reminder to anyone in the Indy area--stay away from 82nd and Allisonville from now until Dec 26. It'll take you 90 minutes to park at Castleton. You have been warned.

Anyway, Christmas always makes me think about Gifts as an expression of love. And so I was particularly primed as I read from the book, A Hunger for God, this evening as he write about our satisfaction in the Lord. You see I've always wanted to walk the delicate balance of being satisfied yet still hungering for more righteousness. Being content yet dissatisfied with the way things are. Its a tough line to walk, indeed. Once I finish the book, a post will be forthcoming. Stay tuned. But I'm getting into my classic Christmas-reflection mood, where I think on the past year.

And this year has been one marked by God being faithful, even when I am faithless. God being always gracious when I am so often not. God being the same, when my desires change in a moment. When 2011 began, I chose a word that I wanted to guide how I lived and thought and prayed, and I chose "faithful." I had high hopes of growing in my faith and choosing to live in such a way that would mark me as a faithful doer of the Word. "Faithful" is written on cards and tucked away in places that I will see throughout each day...in my closet, taped to my work desk, in my wallet. I wanted to saturate my life with reminders to be faithful in habits, thoughts, words and deeds. And even now, I think that's a good goal, but that's not really what happened. Certainly the Lord has been good and gracious and has helped me grow in some areas, but the overall lesson this year? Not that I am now somehow more faithful, but that God has ALWAYS BEEN.

I could sit here and spend the day recounting stories of his faithfulness, not only this year, but throughout my life. And what I'm most grateful for in His faithfulness is his steadfastness. He does not change even when the only consistent thing in my life the past few years has been inconsistency...in things both in and out of my control. His faithfulness, His provision, His sustaining grace...These are the gifts for which I am thankful, these are the things I will recount when I gather with an old friend this holiday season.


Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

30 before 30

it's been a josh groban kind of week.
and by that i mean, it's cold and windy and mellow and melodic and sad in a bittersweet, filled-up kind of way. November does that to you.


so i have this friend (hi hol!) who published a list of 30 things to do before she's 30. and i was like, ooooh interesting. i shall steal her idea.

and so i did.

and so here you go, because i am getting up there people, and i want to live with intention and l'il fun (NOTE...don't think for a moment that these are my 2012 resolutions. Oh no...these are just experiences I want to have, not necessarily habits I want to cultivate. There's a difference.)

Anyway:

1. Climb a mountain.
2. Read the whole Bible.
3. Watch the BBC Pride and Prejudice
4. Actually learn calculus.
5. Go to a waterpark. like, a real waterpark
6. p90x (i'm also open to any other trendy yet intense workout such as the 100 push up challenge that may come out in the next year)
7. See nova scotia or some other beautiful coastal place
8. Take the Perspectives class.
9. Sew something that worthy to be worn. in public
10. Bake homemade bread
11. Spend an afternoon in a cafe in a city I've never visited before
12. Garden: take 3. Actually grow something. Make the partio a place where people want to spend a summer evening.
13. Go antiquing.
14. Refinish an old piece of furniture
15. Fast and practice the discipline of silence...Regarding something specific (more on this later, I'm sure)
16. Surprise someone
17. Plan a weekend trip for my fam
18. Run a trail race
19. Make homemade Christmas decorations that look like they're out of Better Homes and Gardens
20. Go to New York City
21. Have a conversation in Spanish
22. Save a substantial amount of money.
23. Take a dancing lesson or lessons.
24. Memorize Colossians
25. Jump on a trampoline again. It's been years
26. Organize my big blue desk and all the papers in it. This will take an entire weekend.
27. Host an afternoon tea
28. Host a formal dinner party
30. Waterski (didn't go too well last summer, but I have patient friends)

I reserve the right to edit this list. I have just over a year and a half. Wish me luck.

Hot.

the weather...a hot topic around here. pun totally intended.
tropical air has descended upon our fair city, and i have retreated to my cavernous living room during daylight. cabin fever set in after 2 hours on pinterest and 3 episodes of dvr'd friends, so i took a walk tonight. and i did not return back until i had found 5 or more lawn sprinklers, nor until i had run through them. it was hot.

if you haven't visited me, you are so totally missing out on the joy that is my tree-lined neighborhood on a summer evening.
reasons i love the midwest: exhibit a.

every good & perfect gift...

at the risk of sounding self-indulgent or braggy, i want to share some of the wonderful things i've been able to do this summer. the gratitude is free-flowing, and the wine is about to be broken out (as soon as i finish my popsicle and saute-ed squash dinner. in that order, but not together) because my days as a temporary counselor appear to be over. i have been unofficially recommended for a permanent position at the high school where i have been temporarily employed for the past year. the process that began with an informal" meeting" to discuss a potential opening (to which i arrived late, wearing a tank top and wide-cuff jeans. oops. in the words of a wise friend (afterthefact, mind you)..."it's ALWAYS an interview")...anyway, what began as that just over amonth ago was today sealed with a high-five an a playful slug on the shoulder. gotta love small-town indiana high school staff. we keep it both real and professional .
i await to official offer, so i hope i'm not getting ahead of myself. with the way things go, i will not be surprised at all if i am offered a position via text message. what do you want to bet?

anyway, as anyone who's ever wondered about job security can most certainly understand, this is wonderful news, and i am eager to begin the next school year. good thing, too since i start back in just 17 days. and will be working from home for severla days prior just to get things in order and make the first days back livable. i went for a run this evening sans ipod (try it, you'll like it) and was overwhelmed by all the things i've been able to do this summer. i know that i'm blessed to work in a field that comes with summer vacations, and i don't apologize for that. nor do i want to waste it or take it for granted. and expressed gratitude is the only way i know to keep from hoarding blessings and coming to expect them. joy and gratitude...try it, you'll like it.

tonight i am thankful for...
--picking cherries on the 4th of july with my mom
--high school friends and their lake houses
--traverse city wineries
--kathy q who has taught me everything from waterskiing to driving a stick shift to calculus.
--the chance to perfect corn & bean salsa, cherry pie crust, and granola recipes
--nights of scrabble and boggle with my wonderful (and bright) parents)
--morning walks with a friend, and the accountability to memorize a psalm with her
--lots of yummy lunch wiht friends and 4:00 dinners with grandparents
--walks on the south pier
--friends from st. joe young and old, new and old
--leading 6th grade crafts at vbs
--hot summer runs along the canal
--huddles froyo
--a trip to chicago and all the good food eaten while there. and a precious friend who invited me
--the flood in the basement that forced me to clean out all my crap down there
--wednesdays with a co-worker who i will dearly miss next next
--the grace to say "yes" to friends in need, and being filled to the brim because of it
--morning coffee! nothing new to this summer, but a highlight nonetheless
--harvesting my very first banana peppers
--trying pickles on a whim, and loving them. how have i missed out on this briney deliciousness?
--pinterest and the pioneer woman
--time to read biographies
--a morning with mia and her aunt lau
--the chance to take spanish classes this summer with yet another blessing of a friend
--tennis night. and if you were there, you know very well what happens when svelte meets 80s motherhood
--weekly meetings with my mentor josie
--movies in the park
--grilling out
--smores, backyard fireworks, and other displays of light and sound
--a few rides on the monon before my bike was snatched from my front porch
--farmers markets and experiencing city market finally
--two lovely friends who are stepping out in faith and moving across the world
--canoeing on sugar creek, and living to tell about it
--sweating through turkey run
--offroading in a decked out golf cart
--being entrusted to lead a sweet group of women through the book of james
--seeing hillsong with 30 of my closest friends on my bday
--cracker barrel pancakes birthday lunch
--

that makes sense because he has elfish features

i have just returned from a night of ping pong madness, and i don't believe i've laughed that hard in a long time. like, since my college days. (in which we discussed the perfect brewing temperature, not being harnessed by measuring devices, and barefooted projectorists) or since the time lydia and i tried our hand at cricket slaying. or when beth and i would play "what are you thinking." or when jeff last donned his rambart sweatshirt for thanksgiving dinner. or the day i discovered awkwardfamilyphotos.com. or perhaps the first time i saw the office season 2 christmas episode.
my smile still hurts.

snowday!

snowday #6 has arrived. i'm sitting at my kitchen table with some lukewarm 5am coffee (i actually got up on time for once today!) looking out over a snow-dusted park avenue. it's february 25th and i'm listening to christmas music. it just feels right. it's really not strange at all. i do christmas crafts on october 25, and i am liking my first annual christmas mix rewind on feb 25.

enough.

cold winter days are not only perfect excuses for coffee and melancholy itunes mixes. they're also wonderful for reflection. and my friends, you've all gotten quite the dose of libby-reflection over the past two years. sorry about that.

but today, i'm looking ahead. i will be spending a chunk of time (perhaps at starbucks) editing my resume and creating some type of backbone of a cover letter. the time has come to start the job hunt for next year. my time at my current job has been just wonderful, and i'm hoping that there will be a position for me next year, but i cannot rely on that happening. major, major bummer. i've been aware of this all along, and the time's come.

i also need to clean out my closet.

yeah, it'll be a good day.

love.

i've long loathed february. and not only because it's not spelled phonetically. that's just part of it. (interestingly, i do love wednesdays.)

i'm usually sick of the snow and ice and rain and wind and slush and cold feet and those rock salt stains that mar the hem of my jeans by approximately feb 1, and the groundhog's forecast is usually w-rong. maybe only 6 more weeks of winter for you, punx. but here in INDIANA? it'll be april before we see signs of spring. my bitterness is well-founded. you've got to give me that.

and i don't even mind being single on valentine's day. i had a lovely workout at the gym followed by take-out gyro and hummus with my roommate kim last monday. we only briefly questioned whether there was causation (rather than mere correlation) between the fact that neither of us had bothered to shower that day and our relationship stati (duh! plural for status, as we are both "on the market"). the jury's still out on that one, but man, was the hummus delish. and i woke up at 4:45 tues morn to rinse off, never fear. i said it throughout college and i will say it again. sometimes you just have to air dry after a workout.

the one redeeming thing about february is that it's only 28 days long, and except for leap years, that means that if it's monday on feb 7, you can be sure that march 7 will also be a monday. makes planning real easy-like. (is that all that february has going for it? i would have said YES....until this year)
this year february began with snowdown/icepocolypse2011. 6inches of ice on the hood of my car later, i emerged from my humble abode unscathed to chop ice off l'il blue 2, my faithful ford focus. the only casualty of mother nature's fury was my ice scraper. which is actually a bummer because it was ergonomically correct and pretty much my favorite car accessory ever. and target is STILL sold out of new ones. my 4 consecutive snowdays (count'em...FOUR!) were also bookended by two two-hour delays with the superbowl thrown in for good measure. it was a delightful week of reading, resting, hanging out with roommates and other friends, and kicking some major pingpong tail in a round robin tournament in my friend's basement. next to running the chicago marathon and getting third place in the mackinac great turtle race, the ping pong victory was one of my biggest "athletic" accomplishments. of my life. i like to say that i'm classically trained in pingpong. (that's actually not true. i just spent many hours playing in a wood-paneled basement as a child.)

so yeah, february began well. nothing special, but it's been a continued journey in learning to appreciate, and be grateful for, the little things. like pancakes , pandora, and a sturdy furnace.

i'm also loving my job and my students. i love that i can help students navigate tough situations and big decisions. that i can be the bearer of both good news and bad news, but help them find resolution or a safe place to land no matter what.

and i'm loving that i have such a great family. and that i didnt' move all the way to california so i can, and do, get to see them every 4 or 6 weeks. i love that my parents love each other. and that it's restful to go home. i love that.

i love that when i don't know how to pray, i can meditate on truths in the bible and that god hears my prayers even when i don't know what i'm asking for. i love that.

i love that i have a sense of purpose here in indianapolis--that i'm finding a niche and investing in others. that, while i can still seek new places to grow and invest, that god has given me opportunities to be a light, and that i can take him up on those offers (if only i would more often)

i love that we had sunshine and warmth here in indy last week, and that lungs full of fresh air negate the painful effects of blisters on my feet and the visual atrocity that is myself in spandex running tights. age is doing me no favors, my friends.

in grad school i went ahead and broke a cardinal rule of being a counselor. i diagnosed myself with with seasonal affective disorder (as well as several other family members with a myriad of personality disorders. bad idea) anyway, i was only partly joking (but as i told a student who told me that he wanted to be a stripper, "there's a mustard seed of truth in every joke"), but my self-diagnosis helped me make sense of my winter blahs that seem to manifest most strongly in february.

anyway, spring has not yet sprung, but i am learning to live in the ambiguity that comes with navigating traditionally tough times of year for me while also recognizing my life for what it is...a vapor, for sure. but also a rich existence chock full of blessings that i do not deserve.

i also have regrets about this month--the times i've gossiped at work, the hours i've spent watching trash on tv or idling on facebook, the negative thoughts i've harbored, the envy that sometimes seeps into my heart. but god redeems the years locusts have eaten, and he can certainly redeem my wasted time over the past few weeks and months. as a hymn writer said, redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be til i die. how very true!

my apologies for the run on sentences and rambling thoughts. you're not surprised, i'm sure. much love to all this february. (in particular to m.s.p., j.d.t.and j.sr. [if you're reading this as well])